I solemnly Swear
by wolfgirlalways
Summary: Remus Lupin mourns, time has not dulled the pain. He visits the war memorial and remembers those he has lost.


I Solemnly Swear.

Remus Lupin mourned. Fifteen years had not dulled the pain. Not even one little bit. On that single Halloween night Remus had lost everything he held dear. James Potter, brave, strong and courageous. The man that felt he could single handedly take on the entire Dark Lord's army. The man that had died, protecting the family he knew he wasn't going to save. The man that had looked down the handle of the wand that would kill him and had not flinched, not even a little.

Lily Potter, beautiful, fiery, and confident. The woman who resisted being one of the group for a long time, but eventually became important to them all. The woman who had loved her small family fiercely, who had dared to dream of her future with them, even in the middle of the war. Lily, who had excelled in school, lived with vibrancy and died with love.

Sirius, caring, bold and loyal to the end, despite all appearances. The man that had escaped hell to rescue the only family he had left. The man that had been wrongly and unjustly sent to prison for thirteen long years, for crimes he hadn't commited. The man that had believed that his only living friend wished him dead, for murdering someone he hadn't. After all this, he hadn't even been allowed true freedom. In the end he'd only been himself when Harry was around. The more he thought about things the more Remus realized that he'd truly lost Sirius that same Halloween night.

Remus had hit rock bottom, earlier that day he'd lost Sirius for good. So alone, the last true Marauder sat, in front of an old war memorial. His eyes read over the messages to Harry, written over years. He grew angry, throwing the empty bottle at the burnt house.

Why'd he have to survive, alone. They'd promised. That first night, when they had finally confronted him.

_James and Sirius stood side by side in identical poses, arms folded across their chests, looking down and Remus who sat in a chair in the dormitories. Peter lurked behind them, looking anxious. The look in James's and Sirius's eyes confirmed Remus's worst fear, with the deep anger in their eyes. Remus flashed through his memories, knowing their friendship was ruined. Now that they knew his secret they'd dismiss him. His heart broke into pieces. When he'd joined the Marauders he'd felt like he'd had a family for the first time. Now, he knew that was over. Who'd want to be friends with a werewolf._

_"We trusted you." James said, his voice sounding hurt._

_"I'm sorry." Remus managed to whisper._

_"We promised to share secrets. To be brothers in arms." Sirius said, his voice sounding as cold as the rest of his family. "And you kept this from us."_

_Remus didn't respond as he looked at his feet and tried to push back the tears as he felt his heart break._

_"We've been waiting practically all year for you to tell us." James said in an accusing voice. Remus's face shot up to look at his friends._

_"You've known?"_

_"We've been waiting for you to tell us." Sirius said, anger in his tone making Remus flinch._

_"You don't hate me for…." Remus trailed off, not able to voice his problem aloud._

_"Why should we hate you for something you can't control?" Sirius asked sounding confused._

_"Then… why?" Remus asked in a tiny voice._

_"We're mad because you thought you had to face this alone." James said, sadness in his eyes. "We promised to always be there for you and you didn't believe us."_

_"We promised to be brothers, to be each other's family." Sirius said, "You still believed we'd abandon you? After you didn't even tell Dumbledore about…. You know." Sirius said, grinning as he thought of their latest mischief._

_"I would never," Remus said his heart in his eyes. "Your my family." Remus stood his voice confidant. "James, Sirius, Peter, I'm a werewolf. I grow fangs and get really dangerous every once in a while."_

_He let out a puff of breath as Sirius and James barreled into him, hugging him before backing off._  
><em>"Was that so hard?" James asked.<em>

_"And mate, you just described James when someone keeps him from breakfast." Sirius said._

_Remus rolled his eyes as James tackled Sirius out of the blue and the two wrestled around the room, making an absolute mess of everything as they went, yelling and teasing._

_"Take it back." James demanded once he'd pinned Sirius in the far corner._

_"Never…. ow…. Get off…" Sirius squirmed._

_"I'm not as bad as you." James said with a sniff. "If I let you up, promise you won't attack." James demanded._

_"No…. Hey…. Fine, you're safe." Sirius said. He lay face down, moaning theatrically for a minute._

_"Get up, your fine." James said, coming to stand in front of Remus once more._

_"We're ok?" Remus asked._

_"Of course, we're family." James said as Sirius nodded from his side._

_"Just no more secrets." Sirius added._

_Remus nodded._

_"Now let's eat." Sirius said, rubbing his stomach._

_"Dinner isn't for at least another hour." Remus reminded them._

_"Naw, it's cool, James and I found the entrance to the kitchens." Sirius said, waving his hand in the air._

_"You know, I've been thinking of a way to leave all our knowledge to future generations. You know, like some kind of paper, we can leave behind when we leave." James said as they walked out of the room. "After all we have a duty to future generations."_

Remus stepped over the war memorial fence. He felt the pull of the spells to keep people out but they didn't seem to apply to him. After all this home had been his safe haven too. Remus walked, weaving slightly, through the burnt husk as his memory built walls around him. He heard the ghost of laughter from where he remembered the kitchen to be. As he stood in the memory of a doorway,_ He watched Lily as she stood in front of the stove, cooking something. James and Sirius sat in front of Harry's high chair, feeding him something. All three were giggling outrageously and Harry was covered in something orange and slimy looking._

_"Remus." Lily had said turning to him with a welcoming smile. "Dinner's almost all set. James and Sirius are trying to feed Harry before everything but I'm not sure how much he's actually getting to eat." Lily had looked with teasing eyes to her husband._

Remus looked around the charred husk of a home. He fell to his knees there in the middle of the room and felt hot tears burn their way down his cheeks.

"I promise," Remus said his voice strong and sure despite the tears and liquor, "To protect those close to me, just as you would, Prongs. I swear to love deeply, for you Lily. And for Sirius, I promise to remember the joy, when things get dark. As the last Marauder I do solemnly swear."


End file.
